Awake and Unresponsive
by AthenaAriHawthorne
Summary: Nico is so broken. Percy wants to save him from the demons inside his head. But how can he protect the Son of Hades when he's Awake yet still Unresponsive. Nicercy. TRIGGER WARNING. rated M for graphic self harm and smut :) please enjoy xx
1. Hero

Name: Broken and Unresponsive

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Type: Angst/Depression

Warnings:Depression, self harm, eating disorders, may be triggering

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to rick riordan, however, this story is entirely mine. The words written in italics are also Skillet's from their song which is the chapter title each time :)

Beta: The Wandering Oreo

AU: Percy and Annabeth were never together, and neither were pulled into Tartarus, instead the 8 demigods went back to camp (which is safe, see Red-Head Neusence) to gather more half-bloods and heal up before Athens.

A/N: This is going to be a proper story (hopefully). I've actually planned it out, and I'll be updating weekly every Saturday morning(EDT, Friday night GST, Friday evening EST, Friday afternoon PDT) It's Nicercy, but so much more that just fluff and angst. So please R&R. It's 13 chapters and I'm really proud of it. Please go and listen to the songs too, because they're amazing and so perfect or every chapter :D I'll be putting links at the top as well :)

Song: watch?v=uGcsIdGOuZY

**Hero**

Percy always came. Every night after dinner he would come to my cabin. He'd bring food that I didn't want, but he would make sure I ate at least half of it until he let up. He would stay until curfew and keep me company. He told me stories. Stories of his childhood, old greek myths, what was happening outside the walls I'd confined myself within. On the best nights he would tell me our stories; the ones of how we saved the world, when he saved me in the labyrinth, of my sister, and the stories of our quests.

But this night was different. This was one of the nights where he came in and found me crying on the floor.

I heard his voice first as he entered the cabin. Then I heard him leave the plate of food on a table and I felt his strong arms around my shoulders. Sobs racked my body and I lost control of my screams. I was so broken, Percy just held me until I was out of tears to shed and I was too week to move. He didn't let me go though.

I was propped up against a bed and he sat next to me, holding a cup. I watched as it slowly filled with water and Percy handed it to me. I took it in two hands and slowly sipped until there was no more.

"Thanks, Percy" I mumbled, handing it back to him. Then I saw the look on his face.

"Nico" he said "I know"

I felt my heart drop past my stomach to the soles of my feet. What did he know? There were so many things I was hiding from him. So many painful secrets it was hard to keep track of them all.

I didn't talk, just looked at him, a silent plea for him to stop. No such luck.

"Nico" he whispered "You didn't roll your sleeves down"  
Before I could react I felt Percy's hand grab my wrist.

"I'm sorry" I said quickly. It wasn't totally a lie. I wasn't sorry I'd taken a blade to my skin, but I was sorry that he's seen the network of scars criss-crossing my arm.

"You're skin and bones" he whispered "You never eat, unless I make you, you rarely talk to me, let alone anyone else. You haven't left your cabin in a month. Nico. I care about you. Please. Talk to me. Do anything but this. Please"

I felt a tear fall onto my arm. It wasn't mine.

"I'm sorry" I tried again.

I closed my eyes, wishing the world away. But then I felt cool lips on my arm. "Please" a ghost of breath then another kiss "Please Nico" then again. Until he'd kissed every square inch of marred skin.

I felt tears prick my own eyes again. 'I'm sorry" I choked on the last word as I felt sobs take over my body again. I clutched onto Percy and felt his arms around me again.

Eventually I wiped the last tear from my eye and pulled away, looking anywhere else.

"Why?" his voice was soft now.

"I'm broken" I whispered back. "I can't be fixed, I can't be saved, I'm lost and the path back's been turned to rubble"

"No" his voice wasn't steady, but i was sure "Nico, you may be broken, but you can be fixed. I will fix you, or die trying. You're lost but I will lead you back and I'll save you. I'll be the one who saves you, No matter how long it'll take or how many relapses I'll save you"

"I need a hero to save me" I whispered

"Then I'll be a hero" he replied "But you need to tell me what's wrong first, you're broken for a reason. You're strong, it takes so much to brake someone that strong"

"I used to see the world as an amazing place. A place where I could be happy. But after discovering who I was. After I lost my sister I saw how cruel it could be" I stopped to wipe tears from my eyes, yet again, "Then the war; it was Just another war, just another family chore. I was expected to fight, so I did. But when I was in Tartarus I saw what war does. We weren't fighting monsters. We created them. They're down there and they can't die. They have to keep fighting an ancient war. And they are always fought with new faces. But there's no real point to it. A hero's not afraid to give his life but a hero shouldn't because it's expected. They should because it matters. But none of this matters. It's just another day in the world live"

"Then I'll save you from that" came Percy's voice, hitching on the 'that'. "Because there is something worth fighting for"

"Yeah" It sounded sarcastic, but at that point I didn't care. "What?"

He didn't answer for a while and I wiped my face on my shirt. Then I started to get angry. "WHAT?" I yelled at him.

He only whispered the answer, but I heard it.

"Love" then percy did something I couldn't have ever predicted. He leaned forward and kissed me.

It was short and only a peck, but I couldn't help but think about what it meant. Then I heard Percy scramble away from me to where he's discarded the plate of food what seemed like hours ago.

"You need to eat, Nico" he said, quickly, like he didn't want to talk about what had just happened. But I didn't really want to either, so I just let it drop, but I knew that it would nag at me when he left.

"I'm not hungry" my standard response. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat, I just couldn't force myself to shove so many calories down my throat.

"Yes you are" he said, then gave me the plate. I started slowly picking at it and Percy watched to make sure I swallowed.

After a while when I couldn't stomach any more I discarded the plate on the floor.

"I should go" percy drawled "It's getting to curfew and the Harpies will be out soon"

I nodded and he left, taking the leftovers with him. I heard him open the door to leave and I called out to him.

"Wait" I said. I managed to get up and walk towards where he would be. I met him halfway. I wrapped my arms around him quickly and whispered into his hair. "Thank you"

Then I went back to my bed without even looking back.

**~Hero~**

I don't know what time it was, but it was late. And I'd woken up panting from some dream. Well, nightmare was a better term for it. But I couldn't stop myself in my half-dazed state. I fumbled beside my bed until the draw slid open and I found the little box I'd been looking for. I flicked it open and inside I found the little silver blade I'd used countless times.

Relief was the first thing I felt as the cool metal bit into my skin. With another slash I felt the pain, but it wasn't bad, it was pain I could control. I sliced again. By now blood was flowing down my arm, but it was never enough. Another cut and I was starting to feel the pain ease.

I dug the blade deep, deeper than I'd done before and I could see my flesh slowly breaking apart and the blood well up. I quickly grabbed my sheet and pushed it against my arm to stop the blood. It took a while but eventually I quenched the flow and put the blade away again. Sitting back to examine my new scars that fit in so well with the others.

There were so many. Some, like the new ones, I was actually quite proud of. Deep ones that scabbed and took a long time to heal. But others were weak, pathetic shallow and bloodless. Scratches really.

Then last night came back to me. Every detail flooded into my mind having been forgotten until that moment. FUCK. I shouldn't have cut. SHIT. Percy had kissed me. Oh Gods, What was I going to do now? Just pretend it didn't happen. Because it did, and I'm not certain that I'm against it. What if I actually wanted to kiss him back? I couldn't be sure with my mind clouded. I needed to think before Percy came that night.


	2. Whispers in the Dark

Name: Broken and Unresponsive  
Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians  
Type: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Depression  
Warnings:homosexual relationship, depression, self harm mentions, eating disorders, may be triggering  
AU: Percy and Annabeth were never together, and neither were pulled into Tartarus, instead the 8 demigods went back to camp (which is safe, see Red-Head Neusence) to gather more half-bloods and heal up before Athens.  
Beta: The Wandering Oreo  
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to rick riordan, however, this story is entirely mine. The words written in italics are also Skillet's from their song which is the chapter title each time :)  
A/N: So here's chapter two! I got such a nice response from chapter one! thank you to everyone who read it 3 It makes me so happy to read the reviews and see followers :D I really appreciate every single one of you who read this :) also, I'm sorry I didn't upload last week. I've been going through some shit in my life. But I'm okay now. And here's 2'500 words to make up for it :)  
Song: watch?v=omuYo49_SOQ

**Whispers in the Dark**

(Percy's POV)

Something's wrong. Something's very wrong with Nico. I can't tell people about it though, because it's his personal life. I really don't want everything to be like this. I just want him to be happy again. I want to see Nico like he was when we first met- when he was so innocent and loving, without the wars and fighting weighing him down.

I really wanted to see him sooner, but of course I couldn't. I had to attend classes with Chiron, and teach the new campers. We were still in the middle of a war and there were plans to be made for fighting the Giants.

I couldn't concentrate on any of it, though. I kept thinking of Nico, and what he was doing to himself. He was so broken but I was determined to fix hime. Even if it took the rest of my life and even if I had to fight off all of the demons inside his head, I would see him happy.

Finally night fell and I was first in line for food; two plates, as usual. I sacrificed some food to the gods. I made sure to give mention to Hades. He was Nico's father, after all, and it couldn't hurt. I quickly ate my dinner and took off towards the Hades cabin which was slightly hidden in the earth.

I never knocked- Nico didn't lock the door. I walked in and saw him sitting on his bed, knees drawn to his chest. He was sad, but it was an improvement from yesterday. I didn't say anything; he knew I was there. I walked towards him, but before I could give him his dinner, he spoke, making me stop in my tracks.

"Why did you kiss me, Percy?"  
His voice was quiet but it rang out like bells. I'd forgotten that part of last night. I was too caught up in his broken state to remember my actions. I'd kissed him. I'd kissed the boy I'd liked- well, liked just a little bit at first.

It'd become more, though, when we'd been fighting the Titans. He'd given me to his father to lock away, but then he had saved me. He'd opened up to me, and I'd forgiven him.

"Percy...?" His voice pulled me from my thoughts. It was louder now, and he tilted his head up slightly to look at me.

I put the food down on the table beside his bed and sat down next to him. He turned his head so he was looking at me sideways, hair falling into his gorgeous eyes.

"Because I care about you, Nico." It was the most honest answer I could give without telling him everything. I didn't want to scare him off, leaving him with no one else to trust.

"Do you w- want me to- to- to kiss you back?" he whispered. Had I not been so close to him, I wouldn't have heard what he was saying.

"I don't want you to feel that you have to do anything," I said, thinking through my words and carefully picking out which ones were best to get what I wanted to say across. "I've liked you for a long time. I don't care if you hate me. I will still help you, Nico. Please know that whatever happens, I want to keep you safe, and I'll never let anything hurt you."

He didn't say anything back to me for a few minutes then all of a sudden I heard him draw in air. It was a sharp breath- one that accompanied tears. I saw them now, glistening on his pale cheeks.

"No, no, Nico!" I cupped my hand underneath his chin and raised his face so I could see every feature of if illuminated in the dim light coming from the lamp in the ceiling. I used my thumb to wipe away the tears from half of his face. "Please don't cry Nico, I'm sorry."

"No!" he shouted. I saw many emotions flicker across his eyes until he was teary again. "I'm sorry, Percy, I'm so fucking sorry."

His face fell and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him as tight as I dared in his weak state. I whispered, "It's okay" into his ear again and again until he squeezed me back. I leaned back and held his shoulders at arm's length.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I whispered.

He nodded quickly and wiped his face free of tears, before slowly pulling up the sleeve of his shirt.

I felt my own tears threaten to spill then, but I held them back. I had to be the strong one here- for him. I slowly reached for his arm, examining the new wounds that were hidden amongst the scars that were already there. I didn't want to scare him.  
He didn't flinch, so I picked up his arm and brought the story-ridden skin to my lips. I kissed it once for every new scar he'd added to his collection since I'd last seen him, a mere 24 hours ago.

I placed his arm back in his lap and pulled his sleeve down for him. I wanted to do something for him to take away his pain, but there was nothing I could think of that would do that. So I just waited for him to say or do something.

I didn't expect what happened next though. He slowly turned to look at me and his lips curled up into a half-smile. The first I'd seen from him in such a long time. It made me smile back at him. He really looked amazing when he smiled, I couldn't help it.

Then his smile slowly moved closer to mine. Our lips met slowly. I turned my head slightly to the left, trying to make this easier for him. He moved his head the other way and started to move his lips against mine. It was short but it was my first kiss, and I'm pretty sure it was his too. We didn't exactly know what we were doing.

He pulled away searching my face for a reaction. I didn't know what I was feeling, all I wanted was to do that again. I leaned forward, it felt like his kisses were oxygen and I was suffocating. I needed more, and I needed it then and there. This kiss was longer and it sent a message back of approval, and mutual feelings.

We stopped kissing after a while but our faces stayed close. I noticed it had suddenly gotten very dark. After a second Nico noticed too.

"Sorry," he said as I could see his face again.

"No," I whispered. "I like the dark with you here."

It quickly grew dark again and I was thankful, because even though seeing was nice. Right now I wanted to talk to him, properly. If he felt the same way I had to tell him the whole truth. And telling people important things had always been easier for me when I couldn't see their face.

"Can you stay here with me tonight?" I could feel his breath on my lips as he spoke. "I'm scared I'll do it again if you're not here to stop me."

"Of course I'll stay," I replied, then pecked his lips. "But you have to eat."

I saw his content face turn to fear. It pained me to see him like this but he had to eat, and he wouldn't if I didn't make him. It was my only hope of keeping him alive. I reached over and picked up the plate, putting it in my lap momentarily as he was still curled into himself.

"Nico," I whispered "C'mon, please don't make this harder than it already is."

"I don't want to eat. I'm not hungry."  
His voice sounded so sad and all I wanted to do was make him feel better. It hurt me so much when he did this.

"You know we can't do anything else until you eat something," I said, keeping my voice soft. He slowly moved his body so he was sitting against the wall with his legs crossed.

"Percy, please," he begged. I shook my head and carefully placed the plate into his lap.  
I watched as he ate slowly but surely. In the end, he managed to swallow down about ten bites of food. After that, a few tears started to slide down his cheeks. I couldn't even imagine the battle raging on inside his head.

"It's okay, Nico," I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around his small waist. "You can do this. I know you can."

I leaned back, away from his weak body, and wiped the tears from his pale face. I watched his beautiful eyes grow darker as his thoughts began to get the better of him.

"Just a little bit more for me. Please, Nico." I desperately needed to see him eat to re-assure myself that he would survive until the morning.

"I'm full," he mumbled, trying to blink back tears to no avail.

"Despite the lies that you're making, you need to eat, Nico." I made sure he ate another few bites before I let him finish. I took the plate away and came back to him curled up again.

I slowly sat down next to him and pulled him into my lap, making sure to keep my arms securely around him, as If I could save him from the demons inside his head.

"I feel so lonely, Percy" he sobbed into me "Even when you're here I feel like I can't reach you. It's like I'm watching myself do all these things while I'm somewhere far off cornered by everything"

"No." I tried to soothe him by rubbing small circles into his back with my thumb. "You'll never be alone, when darkness comes you know I'm never far..."

"I know, Percy." His breathing began to calm after a while, and his body leaned more into mine. I really liked the proximity. I liked thinking that nothing could hurt him. It felt so good to know that I could make him feel better.

"Thank you," he said, nuzzling his head into my chest.

"It's going to be okay," I told him. Then I took a deep breath in and said the words I thought I'd never say... "I love you, Nico Di Angelo."

He didn't say anything for a while. I wanted to take it back but it was better to have it off my chest.

"I think I love you too," he whispered slowly, making sure I heard it.

I kissed the top of his head and pulled his small body down next to mine, adjusting his blanket over the two of us.

"Goodnight," I told him, holding him tightly in my arms. I waited until he fell asleep, pressing himself against my body and curling his knees into his chest for comfort.

The whimpers started soon, though. I watched him sleeping, fighting off his own demons. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain, but I kept watch over him. After about an hour and a half he woke up, screaming for whatever nightmare had been plaguing him to go away.  
I saw his eyes start to bleed tears as he started to break down. He didn't even look at me- instead, he forced himself into a sitting position, ignoring my arms trying to keep him down. He reached into the draw of the table next to him and pulled out a little box.

It took me all of two seconds to reach out and take it from him.

"GIVE IT BACK!" he shouted at me. His face was wet and contorted in pain. Then he spoke to me in a small, hopeless voice.

"Please give it to me, I need it. Please, please, please pl-" he was interrupted by one of his own sobs.

I didn't give him the box filled with razors. I put it behind my back where he couldn't reach it and kept telling him that he didn't need them.

It took a few minutes for him to calm down enough for me to grab his shaking hands and hold them in mine. He fell back into me and started to cry quietly, having gone past the point where he had enough energy to cry properly. He just shook quietly in my arms, soaking my shirt in his tears.

"It's okay, I love you," I told him. I repeated myself over and over again until i felt him stop shaking.

"I love you," he replied. his voice raspy from all the crying.

"Let me show you something," I said. He nodded, so I pulled him from the bed with me.

I lead him to the door of the cabin.

"Do you think you could come outside?" I asked. He hadn't left that place in such a long time "I'll hold you the whole time, and we'll only be two paces from the door"

He nodded, looking skeptically at the door. I opened it slowly, letting the cold outside air hit us. Then I wrapped one arm around his small frame and pulled him gently outside.

"See those?"  
I pointed up, to the small white lights scattered around the sky "When you get like this, when you start to panic, and when you start to feel helpless. Just remember that when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars just for you. Every time you feel broken, know that I'll save you."

He looked up at the glowing orbs of light that were so far away.

"When you're lost, I will be the one that's gonna find you, I will be the one that's gonna guide you home."

He studied the sky for a little longer, then turned to look at me. Then, he leaned into me, and I kissed his tear-stained lips again.

"I feel safe with you," he whispered.

"I love these whispers in the dark," I replied, and kissed his perfect lips again. I pulled his body closer to mine, so that I could keep him safe.


	3. Awake and Alive

CHAPTER THREE

Name: Broken and Unresponsive  
Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians  
Type: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Depression  
Warnings: Homosexual relationship, self harm, Schizophrenia, may be triggering  
AU: Percy and Annabeth were never together, and neither were pulled into Tartarus, instead the 8 demigods went back to camp (which is safe, see Red-Head Neusence) to gather more half-bloods and heal up before Athens.  
Beta: The Wandering Oreo  
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to rick riordan, however, this story is entirely mine. The words written in italics are also Skillet's from their song which is the chapter title each time :)  
A/N: Re-reading this i don't even know what happened to my mind, the story kind of wrote itself and the original ideas kind of blew out the window. I really like this though, and it still flows with the story :3 Someone asked about what's happening with the other campers, and that's answered in this chapter, though they aren't really in this fanfic much :) Also, I think this is going to be updated every 2 weeks instead, but I will still try for every week :) And I'm sorry it was a few days late but It's really hard for me to deal with real life let alone getting this up in time, but i promise with all my heart that chapter 4 will be up on Saturday :)  
Song: watch?v=91J4PAda3EA

Awake and Alive

(Nico's POV)

I didn't know what to feel when I next woke. I felt Percy's arms holding me by my waist but I also felt my arms itching. I couldn't cut without him knowing and I couldn't cut without hurting him, either. I tried to ignore the itching, but soon enough I found myself scratching at my wrecked arms. They were starting to heal now, some of them at least. The bigger cuts wouldn't start to heal for a while longer, I knew.

I felt my fingers catch on old scabs and I drew in breath as it started to bleed again. I felt the warm liquid ooze down my arm and I gasped at the pain it bought me. I quickly held my hand to the cut to try and stop the bleeding. I couldn't have Percy find out. I couldn't disappoint him again.

"N-Nico…" I felt his grip around me tighten and I was drawn closer into his chest. I didn't know what state my arm was in but I tried my best to hold my arm away from him. I used my cleanest arm to pull his hands from my stomach to my chest. I pulled them into me, holding them tight like they were my lifeline.

I felt him rest his head on my shoulder and tried my best to get back to sleep. I didn't know what time it was, but it wasn't light outside and I probably hadn't gotten enough sleep. I kept my eyes shut but my brain wouldn't shut up. It kept running through everything that had happened the night before.

I was now Percy Jackson's boyfriend. Or was I? I would have to check with him when he woke. What would it matter though? It's not like I could tell anyone. I didn't talk to anyone else because I didn't want to burden them. The only reason I ever told Percy these things is because he insisted until I was too worn down to keep things from him.

I felt guilty, though. Without me he could he could have so much of a better life. I was such a burden on his life. I took so much. I didn't deserve his kindness. I deserved to die here, to just stop breathing. It wouldn't be so hard, would it? To simply stop breathing, and break my consciousness permanently.

My mind kept running in loops. Every thought I followed lead back to the same thing. I didn't deserve these good things. I deserved the pain and the emptiness.

"Nico…" I felt breath on my neck as he spoke.

"Sorry." My voice was shaky. I couldn't cry again. I was so weak… "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Nico, it's okay. What's wrong? You were shaking." Of course I was. I'm such a bad person.

"I- I was just... just thinking. Sorry." I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't though, and the more I tried, the more memories flashed into my mind. The torture, the horror, the never ending pain. Tartarus had beaten them into me. No matter how many good things I did, there was always pain.

I felt my chest start to heave and my breath quicken. I couldn't feel Percy anymore. There were claws on my back. My throat was tightening and I couldn't see. I tried to get away from whatever was on my back. But its arms were around me and I couldn't move.

My heartbeat was pounding in my head and I used all my strength to get the thing off of me. I kicked it away and fell backwards, landing on the hard ground. I scrambled away quickly. I could feel myself coming back to the cabin, but there were worse memories to come. I couldn't see anything but the little box on the bed and I reached for it as quickly as I could.

I couldn't reach it though; there was something in the way. I couldn't reach it. The demon was going to come back. I kept trying to reach my little salvation but I couldn't get close enough. I felt the room grow darker again, the claws returning to my back. I needed to get them away.

I dug my fingers into my arm and scratched at the cuts until I could feel the pain. I could feel the hands leave me and I could feel my own on my broken skin. It wasn't enough though. I still needed the razors. I used all my strength to reach for the box.

Soon enough I had the little blade in between my fingers and I was painting art onto my skin. I made only a few cuts and I felt my breaths become longer and my heartbeat grew fainter.

It was then that I saw him, tears streaming down his face and the hurt in his eyes. Percy had seen the whole thing. I could see his mouth moving but I couldn't hear the words he was trying so desperately to tell me. I think he could tell that I could see him, because he moved closer to me, slowly. And I looked at him.

Then I felt his arms around me again, not a demon, Percy. It was Percy all along, but I'd struggled free from his grip, because it hadn't been his at the time, at least not to me. I felt tears start to stream down my face again. Falling onto my arm and making it sting. But I tried to focus on Percy's hold.

I still couldn't hear him, but I didn't know if he was speaking anymore. I folded into myself, feeling suddenly exhausted.

"Percy!" I tried calling out. No response. "Percy!" I still couldn't hear anything. I tried a third time and after a few moments I felt his arms pull me towards the bed again. I didn't struggle- I was too weak to.

I felt warmth engulf me and sleep taking hold of my tormented mind, only to be plagued by nightmares of the hell I'd just been relieved of.

~~~

"Nico." I woke to kisses on the back of my neck. They were nice and soothing- such a contrast from my dreams. "Nico, wake up." The kisses continued but I knew I had to wake up. I couldn't see him, but I could feel his gaze.

"Percy," I mumbled, turning over so I was facing him. He kissed me, short and sweetly.

"Morning," he said, smiling. I could get used to waking up like this.

I leaned my head into his and our lips touched again. It was weird, kissing Percy. I'd never kissed anyone before him so I was going on the basis that he didn't know what he was doing either. But whatever guide he was following, it was good. Kissing Percy was probably the best thing I'd ever done.

He pulled his face away from mine.

"Do you remember last night, Nico?" He asked me, his voice so quite, as if breaking the silence could hurt.

I nodded. His arms tightened around me and I nuzzled my head into his chest, feeling so safe in his arms.

"Nico, we need to clean your arm," he said slowly, trying to ease his way into the conversation. I was still tired and I didn't want to talk about it, but I knew I'd have to.

I reluctantly pulled myself from him and walked over to the bathroom, wetting a towel, before coming back to sit on the edge of the bed.

I pulled up my shirt sleeve and surveyed the damage. I didn't even remember doing most of it, not properly. I'd reopened at least four new cuts and a lot of new scars were littered in amongst the old. I sucked in a breath as I pressed the cloth to my arm.

I cried out. It hurt- it hurt so much- but I kept my hand steady, trying to clean away the dried blood. I felt Percy's hand on my own, taking the towel away and folding it in half so he could use it. He put it to my skin again and I shut my eyes.

"Percy, it hurts," I breathed, trying to keep the tears in my eyes. The cuts were stinging like mad. It didn't make much sense. I could cause myself so much pain, but I didn't like it if it wasn't a blade in my own hand. The stinging hurt a lot, because I was used to a dull ache in my arm, but now it was sharp pain, that remained for a while even after Percy would remove the cloth.

He dabbed at my arm until it wasn't so red. Then he kissed me quickly and told me he would be back in a moment. I ran my fingers through my hair and wished the pain away- not that wishing had done any good before. I felt his lips again, and I opened my eyes to see his beautiful sea green eyes so close to my own.

"I love you, Nico," he told me, and then I looked down to see that he had gotten bandages.

"No," I said. "Don't waste them on me." I clenched my fists and pulled my arm away from him, holding it to my chest.

"Nico." He looked at me sternly. "Please…"

I held my arm back out, unwilling, but not wanting Percy to be upset with me. It then hit me that Percy would need to leave me alone today, for the whole day, until tonight.

"When do you have to- to leave?" I choked on the words; I didn't want him to leave me.

"I don't have to leave you, Nico," he said, I looked at him, confused, we both knew he had to, so what was the point of lying about it? "I thought about it this morning before you woke"

"And?"

"and... Do you think you could... Maybe... Come with me today? To camp I mean. And even if you don't participate in camp activities, you could watch and- and maybe you could, maybe talk to someone."

I stared at him for a bit, shocked at first, then I started to picture it. I would get weird looks if I left the cabin. But I didn't want to be without Percy either.

"What if I can't do it?" I asked, nervously, my mind still racing.

"If ANYTHING happens I'll bring you back here and hold you until you're okay, Nico. I love you."

I kept thinking it over. I really wanted to go out, to try and be stronger, to show Percy that I could do it. But just thinking about it, I felt anxious. Everyone would be looking at me. I hadn't gone outside in ages. There were so many things they would think about me.

That I'm fat, that I'm short, that I'm ugly.

And the worst thing is that they would all be thinking the truth. I would have to go out and see all of these people who get to lead normal lives- people who are able to just ignore all the horror around them.

"I don't think-" He stopped me with a kiss. "Perc-" Then again. I opened my mouth to speak and he kissed me a few times before sealing out lips together and kissing me properly. My eyes closed. I could feel his hands tangle in my hair and after a few moments I was completely engulfed by how amazing his lips felt on mine.

I didn't think about anything else, not about Tartarus, not about going outside. It was as if nothing else mattered.

My problems became distant memories as I felt his tongue on my bottom lip. Being completely new to this, as it was asking for entry, I opened my mouth. It was a really weird feeling; having Percy's tongue in my mouth. It didn't feel romantic. I kept feeling that I should be doing something, so I tried to mimic him.

I don't know how it felt for him but after a few minutes of awkwardness I began to enjoy it. It felt so intimate. Even though I knew that thousands of people did this, it felt like we were the only two people in the world that would feel it exactly the way we were. And I felt really lucky for being able to experience it. It was a nice change, feeling as if there were actually good things in my life.

He pulled his lips from mine and I could catch my breath.

"I love you," he repeated.

"I love you too," I replied. "I think I could go outside with you."

His face lit up in a smile that I couldn't help returning; "We should go soon, then." He kissed me one last time. "Um... do you have any clothes I could borrow?" he added, blushing.

~~~~~

We were at the door, and I had frozen. It had suddenly dawned on me what I was about to do and I was thinking of everything that could happen. I didn't need everyone hating me to add onto my list of problems.

"Nico." Percy took my hand and squeezed it. "C'mon, you can do this."

I sucked in a breath then remembered one last thing; "Percy…"

"Yeah?"

"Uh- What do I tell people?" my voice grew softer as I grew nervous "Li-like.. what do I tell them about- about us. If they ask, what do I say?"

"Well…" he thought for a moment. "Tell them that I love you and that I'm staying with you no matter what."

"So are we- um, boyfriends?"

"We are whatever you want us to be." He wrapped me in his arms one more time and I slowed my breathing. "Ready?"

"Ready," I lied. Then he opened the door and we were outside, in the sun, during the day.  
After my eyes adjusted I could see people- all of the other campers who probably didn't even remember that I existed. If I was to be honest, it felt kind of nice; seeing all of these people who were so happy and content. But then I remembered that they were all wrong.

Percy took my hand in his and slowly we walked further and further from the safety of my cabin. We were in yelling distance of the other cabins when someone saw us, or rather Percy, and started walking towards us. I leaned into Percy and closed my eyes, not wanting to have to talk to them.

"Hey Percy." From their voice, I could tell they were a girl. "You're late, and is that…?"

"Nico," he completed. I opened my eyes slowly, she was looking at me and I looked away. It was Annabeth, the one who'd looked after me in the infirmary on the Argo II.

"Hello Nico," she said, her voice quiet now. She turned to Percy. "Is he okay?"

"He's doing alright, but I don't know if he'll talk to you," he replied for me. I wanted to be brave for him, so I pulled slightly away from him.

"Hi," I said, the one word making me so nervous of her reaction. She looked back at me, her eyes scanning my face for something.

"Can I?" she asked, extending her arms. I don't think I could do this. Just this little thing, like having her ask to hug me, made me feel just so horrible. I buried my face in Percy's shirt and held him; my lifeline. "Oh my gods! I'm so sorry!" She rushed the words "I thought- I thought it- I'm sorry!"

"It's okay," Percy said. "You didn't know, it's hard for him and I think it'd be easier if we just went to- uh, we have Archery, right?" I didn't hear her say anything. She must have nodded or something, and left because the next thing I knew Percy was holding me and whispering in my ear.

"Come on, Nico, we have to go now. It's okay. I love you. You can do this." I slowly pulled myself from him and looked at him. He kissed me quickly before he slowly led me in the direction of the Archery Arena.

A/N: I'm feeling like shit, but if anyone needs to talk I'm always here for anybody, or my Tumblr Ask ( ask) I love and care for you, no matter what okay? Also, it means everything to me when you guys review, I know I haven't replied to any, but I will get around to them when I have the time. It's surprisingly tiring and time consuming to be even just a little bit broken.

I love you guys, you make me so happy 3


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